The Giving Tree.

I have discovered I am a personifier. 
I hate going to zoos because I spend all my time imagining the emotional termoil of the animals.
AND I name my vehicles, crying when I trade them in, as though I were abandoning a loyal, old friend.

Buying a car is a horrible experience.
You are accosted the minute you arrive by whatever salesperson runs the fastest.
You are made to feel poor when you offer up your meager bottom line.
You have to try and act smooth while test driving a car that is totally foreign to you.
You wait for the "offer" from the "Deal or No Deal banker"/ rat bastard, behind the colored glass.
You wait for the car to be cleaned.
You wait.
By the time you leave, you aren't even sure what happened while you were in there, but now you drive a(n) insert car name here.

Faithful to my role as a personifier, I mourned, and composed the following, while cruising my new car, cool from the novelty of air conditioning.

For Ed.

You took me across the country.

You happily carried me camping, to work and on snowy mountain drives.

You easily moved the treasured possessions of myself and many others.

You were never afraid of a curb, or a dirt road.

What little repair you needed was due to the negligence of others, and they paid the expenses for it.

You were always up for a good fast drive, riding high above others on the road.

You took good care of me, my Ed.

Thank you, I will miss you.

 

Mean Girls

Warning: There is some profanity in this post.

When I was a young girl, probably about 12 years old, I had my first interaction with human cruelty.  A friend of mine called me on the phone and after chatting for a few minutes about whatever it is that 12 year old girls talk about, she asked me what I thought about a mutual friend of ours.  I asked why and her response was that she was angry at our friend and she could be a “bitch sometimes”.  I agreed and even said, “Yes, she can be a bitch”.  It was then our “bitch” friend, who, unbeknownst to me, was listening on another line, chimed in and called me out for talking trash about her. 

Initially I was totally confused and hurt by this little game of deception and entrapment. Even though I didn’t actually think my friend was a bitch, my reaction was to agree and participate in the friend bashing, so really my behavior was no better than that of my friends’.  It goes to show that from an early age we begin testing our abilities in the arts of manipulation and shadiness. 

There is camaraderie in sharing those judgments and angers about others.  It’s that first moment in a conversation, when someone else is mentioned, and you lean in, and conspiratorially whisper in hushed tones about that person, your heart beat quickens and your mind races to contribute those juicy little tidbits you’ve stored away for just this occasion and BAM!  You’re an asshole, talking shit about your friends and acquaintances.  I realized this happened a lot more than I would have thought in the past 10 days.  And almost every time my base reaction was to jump right into it.  Since I was in the midst of my “karma cleanse”, I refrained from saying anything negative, and actively tried to speak only positive things about the subjects of conversations.  I found this helped to nudge the others participating in the conversations to turn their comments to positive ones as well

It’s actually quite easy to say positive things about people and defend their actions. Just put yourself in their position and you’ll see that most people are just doing the best they can.  And I don’t want to give the impression that I spent all my time prior to the past 10 days ruthlessly bashing people.  But I am guilty of participating in some situations.    I realize that if I have been doing it, what are people saying about me?  Truthfully, I don’t want to know, and I hope I never do. (I live in a bubble where everyone loves me and thinks I’m FANTASTIC!) 

So if my fantasy bubble is ever to become a reality, I’ll keep practicing positivity.  With a few exceptions - I plan on talking shit about those two bitches that set me up when I was 12 every chance I get. 

The Rules.

"According to the seed that’s sown,
So is the fruit you reap there from,
Doer of good will gather good,
Doer of evil, evil reaps,
Down is the seed and thou shalt taste
The fruit thereof."

The Samyutta Nikaya

My ten day karma cleanse is up, and it is time for reflection.  While I did have one experience that I thought related directly to this project, mostly, what I had were lots of interesting conversations about karma.

The very first day of the karma cleanse, I allowed a young gentleman with only one item to go in front of me at the grocery store.  I thought nothing of it until he offered his sincere thanks, then it occurred to me that I had earned a karma point! Ka-CHING! Wait. Is it possible that my prideful acknowledgement of the moment had tarnished the karma point? Oh MAN! What are the exact rules of karma? I mean, do I get the point? or not?

I find it is very interesting how widely believed karma is. A friend of mine was scolded by a very conservative parent for referencing karma in a Catholic school classroom, however, even the most devout Catholics firmly believe that you "reap what you sow".  Originally a part of the dogma of ancient Indian religions, popular culture has no problems accepting parts of karma as truth.  I say parts because many people do not buy into the reincarnation aspect of karma, even though this belief is essential to understanding the original Eastern ideas of karma. Hmm. Lots of different perspectives, this quest for rules is going to be more difficult than I had hoped.

So, what are some of my own beliefs about karma? Once I began to analyze, I realized how nebulous and self serving my concept of karma can be.  How many times have I been comforted by the thought that "what goes around comes around"? I have certainly thanked the laws of karma for coming to get someone who has wronged me, "even if I don't get to see it."  YIKES! There are parts of me that like karma, because I secretly want people to get what I think they deserve.  Brutal Sier.  I believe that thoughts have power, but wish I could deny the fact that my thoughts carry a karmic weight.  I REALLY have to answer for all of my thoughts?!? Ugh. Toe kick. Gulp.  (Maybe I should take a second look at that "adopt an orphan to kill bad karma" option). To make me look a little less selfish, let me remind you that karma has done some pretty ugly things to cultures and societies as well.  The rigid social class system and Untouchables of India are a direct result of the belief that you are reborn to the karmic life you deserve. Here, the laws of karma made it possible to look down on others, and deny them the free will necessary to change their situations. A karmic conundrum to be sure.

However complicated karma may be, I found that I love its logical cooperation between the ideas of free will and fate.  Most concepts of karma accept that it is a fluid, changing scale.  We can build up an arsenal of good (or bad) choices to affect our futures.  Whew!  I believe that the widespread acceptance of karma indicates that it is an inherent law of the universe, not tied to a religion.  The thought that karma waits around for the appropriate time and circumstances to bite or benefit, gives me a better relationship with "timing".  It allows me to think differently about what seems to have been missed opportunities, or impossible dreams of the future.  AND, it gives me a little time to build up that stack of good.  Karma can be a simple moral compass. It can encourage acceptance of difficulties and efforts to be a better person.

Perhaps there aren't rules. Just one rule. You get what you give.  The nuances and subtleties are too many to account for. Just do and think good things.  As for that contentious karma point, because he benefitted from my action, regardless of motivation, since it wasn't my original intention, and since I received a unanimous vote from all whom I conversated with, I am taking that point. Perhaps it will negate my less then generous opinion of the bitch with all the coupons ;)

This is Emily Compton, a new guest contributer to "I'm Rambling."  Emily has been a friend of mine since the fourth grade.  Her unpublished works, such as the "Igor Gogel Giggleheimer Schmidt" series, are as yet, undiscovered classics. Stay tuned for more from this amazing author.

Not So Instant Karma 

by Emily Compton

Karma is a funny thing.  Its not something I am actively conscious of, but it is a concept I believe in.  Overall I consider myself a good person, I try to make thoughtful decisions and treat others with courtesy and respect.  So when I was issued a karmic challenge the other night, I failed, and it shocked and disappointed me.

In summation, an older man, dressed in goofy attire, approached me and my friends during a night of copious alcohol consumption.  I immediately warned him that we were not interested in inviting him into our conversation.  He stayed dispite my warning and was subjected to all manner of insults and degradation.  As he left, he cursed us with "Karma's gonna get you."

Great.  Just what I need. I already have a couple significant karmic blemishes from my past for which I have not yet recieved karmic retribution.  I haven't committed any crimes, but I do feel remorse for my past bad behavior . I also feel remorse for my ill treatment of this man.  Perhaps recognizing the bad behavior is a step towards negating the bad karma, which is why thus far, I have been able to keep karma at bay.

But at what point does karma catch up?  I've concluded that unless there is a cognizant effort to do right by others and myself, karma will eventually get me.  After much discussion with one of my fellow cursee's, a 10 day "karma cleanse" is in order.  I'm not going to go overboard by dramatically changing my life.  But I am going to actively try to be kind to others, and maintain a level of patience and peace.  I pledge not to gossip, or be judgemental of others. 

Let's see how it goes.  I almost immediately caught myself ridiculing an overweight man at a picnic table (in my mind), after the "karmic cleanse" was proposed.  I managed to justify the ridicule because I had not yet "formally committed" to the cleanse.  So this is it, my acceptance of the challenge to be a better person.  I hope the world is ready for the "kinder, gentler Emily"!  

Xenia.

"Above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins.  Be hospitable to one another without grumbling. "   1 Peter 4:8-9

This is a cautionary tale...A modern day myth that the Greeks would applaud. 

It began at the bar.  An older, inebriated man approached our secluded table. We proceeded to discuss...well, I'm not sure what, (because of the alcohol? or the blinding curse of a Greek immortal in disguise?...you decide) regardless, our table was swept up in the perfect storm of sarcasm, feeding off of each others cleverness. I don't recall the topics, and I don't remember the words, but I know myself well enough to guarantee, they were probably funny, unkind, and completely unnecessary. The wayward stranger finally informed us that we were bringing bad karma upon ourselves, and left. It was an ugly moment. Though I do not believe I met Poseidon at the Alley Cantina, tragically, I did fail to recognize the God that is within this man.

To make matters even worse, I proceeded to spend the next two days consciously, actively, and happily participating in large quantities of unnecessary gossip and petty comparisons. It got so bad, I acknowledged my misbehavior before proceeding to do it anyway. It seems that everything I said, every conversation I engaged in, practically every thought I had, was hammering one more nail in my bad karma coffin.

Shit.

Now what? What can I do? Do I need to adopt a kid? Feed the poor? Pick up a hitchhiker? Is counteracting karma like losing weight? A land where weeks of work are lost in days of inactivity? I have this horrible suspicion that one good deed does NOT equal one bad one.

Though this is obviously a lifetime work in progress, I feel the need to immediately address the situation so as to negate this curse. I am thinking a ten day "fast".  Spend ten days actively, consciously, and happily looking for opportunity to walk away from slanderous exchanges.  Try not to concern myself with jealousy, comparisons, and competition.

Here goes, wish me luck, game on.