A Thank You Not.

Dear Moleskine Monthly Planner,

     Well, first of all, let me thank you for being one of my favorite products EVER.  You are the most supple, simple-yet-classy, enjoyable (read it again, I said enjoyable) planner that my virgoan mind has ever had the pleasure of using.

Next, I think it is important to acknowledge how awesome it is that you are offered on Amazon for $7, for the fair exchange of a month of my life waiting for delivery. Which I agreed to because you are worth a month filled with sticky notes and missed meetings. After patiently waiting the month, you can imagine my delight, when I opened the email that told me you were now "unavailable" until the end of February.

Don't worry, because after I searched for stores that sold you, I got to dash around to all of them and meet tiny versions of you, or your notebook brother.  Of course, I finally wised up (ya, it really did take me four different disappointments) and called first, and wouldn't you know, the final store did  have "Moleskine Monthly Planners". Which, having four stores of wisdom behind me, I specifically asked for.

My favorite thing you did for me though, was to send me expectantly into the Catholic College Bookstore to be deflated by the more informed manager when I found out that indeed you were NOT sold there. This part of the story is my favorite because I then found myself exclaiming, "Fuck! Jesus Christ!".   To the glory of all, especially that lying bastard employee scampering into the aisles.  As if you hadn't done enough for me, I also appreciate the distracted state of mind that sent me straight into that mud trap.

Then, I thought it was really cool, how you are "Sold Out" on the actual company website.(ya, I looked there last) You are sooo amazing, that you are not even available in the place where you are made.

All of that aside though, I actually want to thank you for the frustrating lesson in patience, acceptance, and the stupidity of material attachment.

Sincerely,
Sierra
P.S. I am sorry to anyone who I offended in the search for this product ...

Word.

Warning: This is one of those stories that is seemingly many unrelated threads, but it IS going to come full circle.  I promise. 

You may recall this guy.  He showed up on my porch this past August.

I sat down on my couch, looked out my back door, and there he was. Chillin.

I looked into his eyes, and had that really long second. That second where you say...sometimes aloud, sometimes not, "What the f#*k am I seeing?"  He waited around just long enough for me to compose myself and take this picture. Then, like a streak of reptilian lightning, my visitor shot up the wall and out of my life. 

You might think that was enough reptile encounters for one person.

Well, just the other day, I unfolded a blanket and found myself in the middle of another really long second.  I saw what I identified at first as a large dried leaf.  By the end of the second, I discovered that the leaf  had little feet and a tail.  The leaf was a dead lizard. A regular, New Mexico lizard who crawled into my life, and died. 

I do not have a picture of that little guy.  That is because I freaked out, did the "gross, gross gross,"dance and flushed him down the toilet, followed by one more round of the "gross, gross, gross" dance, and some hand washing.

The continued presence of lizards in my mental landscape prompted me to investigate them a little further.

The pieces of research that resonated with me the most involved intuition, adaptation, regeneration, and a desire to simply bask in the sun. 

I also discovered that 2012 is the year of the Dragon. I was born in the year of the Dragon.  OH, and Kimodo Dragons can be as big as 11 feet and weigh like 300 pounds, and have been known to hunt humans. WHAT?!

Meanwhile, on another front, I have been working on finalizing my "word for the year".  This was a great idea I saw on facebook back around resolution time. The word I originally chose was "BREATHE".  I wanted time to sit with it, make sure no other word struck me.  

I have yet to find another that I like more. 

Breathe.

It is sound advice, it is necessary, it is simple.

Breathe.

AND, as if those two things weren't unrelated enough. My eighth graders and I have been working on our own "Personal Mission Statement".  The rough draft was due this past Friday, so I needed to finish my "example" for my students. 

I composed this short, hopefully sensical, and not copy write infringed, statement from the lyrics of various songs entitled Breathe. (There are a lot of them...if that tells ya anything...)

"All you touch and all you see, Is all your life will ever be.

If I just breathe and let it fill the space between,

I'll know everything is alright.

I found a place inside a sound.

I found grace and it's all around.

Breathe, keep breathing. Don't lose your nerve.

Cuz you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,

and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table."

 My Mission Statement for 2012. Word.

Thoughts on Thoughts.

We are what we think. With our thoughts, we make the world.

~Buddha~

Recently, I was exposed to a very thought-provoking video.  It is a short 2-D animation that is artistically . um. amazing.  This animation is a hauntingly memorable representation of the shadowy, but visceral existence of a thought. The song it is set to, strikes all the right emotional cords. Your eyes are glued to the graceful animation, while your psyche processes the deeper images the artist has embedded. I felt as though I was witnessing a thought issuing forth from a brain; visually playing out its limited life. 

It is entitled "Thought of you".  It is on vimeo, and....I think that you will be able to see it if you click here. (my first video/link for the blog...)

http://vimeo.com/14803194

What ARE thoughts?

Where do they go?

When we think of someone, whether someone special or Joe Random, what happens to that thought?

Does it affect the other person?

What is more powerful? Negative thoughts? or Positive thoughts?

Do they look different?

What do they look like?

If you think a thought and then you think, "I don't really think that" , can you unthink the thought?

What did the skunk thunk?

What do you think?

Top Ten (not so) Famous Last Words.

"Ok, but I will just have one."

"This shirt will be fine in the dryer."

 "That is totally enough gas to get to the gas station."

"I don't need to put tp on the list, I'm sure I will remember it."
"Wait to try it on?, nah, I know what size I am." 

"I'm just gonna check facebook real quick."

"I will exercise tomorrow."

"I will read that later."

"Who will know?"
"I would never..."

Terrible Tues-day.

Tuesday and I are in a fight.

And, I'm certain it threw the first punch!

I forgot my deodorant AND my glasses.

Dang. I'm on duty for lunch.

There is no more creamer

no time to stop for caffeine.

I'm late AGAIN to my meeting

"heh, heh, sorry about that, team."

Chased a boy out of the girls bathroom

filled with gossip and hairspray.

If only the stalls had toilet paper,

I'd be on my way.

I shake my head

as I walk to the door.

It's not even nine,

I can't take much more!

My printer is jammed,

the copier's broke.

"Are we doing anything today?"

ha ha. good joke.

Oh Tuesday, Old Tuesday

You have mishaps mastered,

We will meet again next week

Tuesday, you bastard..

TomAto/Tomaaato.

"If everyone sees things differently, who sees them the way they are?"

As a student, teacher, and lover of history, this is usually one of the most interesting and refreshing truths.

I imagine we have all had at least one shocking moment when the reality of this statement smacks us around. A moment where we are looking up at the lovely blue sky and the person next to us remarks about how lovely the green sky is. 
Historically, I have loved that moment of dissonance. I like to be reminded that there are as many perceptions of the world as there are people.
I love that moment because it provides the opportunity to expand my own limited view.  In order to function efficiently, most of the time, we operate under the misconception that the people around us see things as we do. Since we all stay mostly within the guidelines presented to us by society ,it is easier to go about our day if we think like this.
Yet, we are taught when we are younger that no two people see colors the same way. We know that Inuits have a bazillion (or so it would seem) words for snow.  We even understand that our image of "the desk" is really just our mind making sense of molecules. (or something like that)
When our ancestors were hardwired for survival, it was important to form opinions about people and situations quickly. The evolution of society, laws, and culture has made this less and less necessary, but we still create entire personalities for people based on our observations of a few traits, characteristics or even statements that are made.  Sometimes we evaluate the person poorly, sometimes we raise them too high in our esteem. Either way, we get upset when they do not conform to the image we have created.  In order to satisfy our orderly brains, we don't allow for people to be two seemingly opposed things.
This is all fine and well, until you realize you are on the recieving end.  For we understand that we can be many things all at once.  Finding a way to extend that understanding makes sense then. Right?
When confronted with hysterical teens, struggling with rumors and general teen angst. I try to convince them that they know how wonderful and special they are and that other people's opinions of them are not what they should focus on.  I have no idea if this is helpful, it's just my party line. Truth is, we care what others think. Whether we like to admit it or not.
Unfortunately, it is a situation that is entirely out of our control.  The only thing we can hope to guide is our own perspectives.  We do need to remember how great we all are.  Today, I am going to do the unheard of, and follow my own advice. I am going to spend my day in gratitude for the opportunity to be more generous in my own opinions of those around me.

After all, the sky is a lovely shade of green today.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~Nelson Mandela

Knock Knock.

Sharing a laugh is awesome.
I respect a person who can remember and deliver a punchline.
When I hear a good joke, I squint my eyes together, knock on wood, wish on a star, click my heels together, and employ all manner of mneumonic devices to commit it to memory.
Unfortunately for me, my mind seems to have a small parking lot reserved for jokes; in my whole life, there are only three jokes that I have been able to remember.
Unfortunately for the recipients of my good joke intentions, only one of these are even acceptable for public consumption.
I learned it from a first grader. 
The other two don't say much about me as an individual. 
I tell them anyway.

Thanks to a very youthful friend of mine, and her entertaining Christmas gift, I have compiled this short collection.  This is for the people in my life who have sat through my "three deep stand up routine", laughing more at the uncomfortable silence than the punchline. It is also for those who appreciate that you can cringe and laugh at the same time.
Warning: This may not be for you

**For cannibals, what's the hardest part about eating vegetables?
                           The wheelchair.
**What kind of cigarrettes do Hippies smoke?
                           Yours.
**What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile?
                         "Get into the Batmobile, Robin."
**Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners"
                           Because they have no attachments.
**What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
                           Christopher Walken.
**A man and a woman were standing in line at the supermarket checkout. The woman's basket had one can of soup, one apple, one pear, one chocolate bar, and one mini tub of ice cream.  The man leaned over and said, "You're single, aren't you?"
"How can you tell?" the woman asked.
The man answered, "because you're ugly as fuck."