Buyer's Remorse.

 

 

This is Emily Compton, a recurring guest contributer to "I'm Rambling." Emily has been a friend of mine since the fourth grade. Her unpublished works, such as the "Igor Gogel Giggleheimer Schmidt" series, are as yet, undiscovered classics. Stay tuned for more from this amazing author.

 

 

 

 

Buyer’s Remorse

Ahhhh, the holidays. The happiest time of the year. When people give thanks for their families, friends and blessings. And when we go shopping to show how much we love one another. Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday & Tuesday were all created by the media and businesses for us consumers to go out and buy, buy, buy.

 

I get the implications of these shopping days on our economy. I did buy a pair of pants for myself from a locally owned clothing shop on Saturday. I spent more on these pair of pants than I will probably spend on my children’s Christmas gifts. I did need a new pair of pants, I did not need the pants I bought. They are black, tight & shiny and look fantastic on. They are still in the bag sitting on my dresser. When will I wear these pants? I don’t think they are appropriate for a construction site, so I won’t be wearing them to work. My upcoming weekends will be spent at hockey games and the ski valley, so I won’t be wearing them then. I can’t remember the last time the hubby and I went out for a date night, (we’re terribly broke and going out is an expense we can’t afford). But I can afford an incredibly expensive pair of pants……

 

These big ticket items are always so enticing when they’re on the rack, but a little nerve racking when you get them home. I bought a new car in June, and while I totally needed a new car, once I got it home I freaked out a bit. My previous car was paid off, and 5 months later I’m still trying to adjust to the monthly payment. And I wisely dropped almost half of my car payment on new pants.

 

And I want more - I want expensive jewelry, which I will probably never wear – I already have lots of jewelry that sits in a box, the only jewelry I ever wear are my wedding rings & watch. I want new skis – I already have two beautiful like new pairs of skis (these I would use). I want to travel – specifically I want to go to the Jazz Fest in New Orleans next April, but if we do travel, we should go to New Jersey to visit Corey’s family. NEW BOOTS! I have six pairs of boots, but I love, love, love boots.

 

Every year at this time I start to think about us as consumers. We need, want, have to have so much, but do we really? The media plays all this up so well, we are forced to believe that we can lead a lifestyle our incomes can’t sustain. The term “champagne taste on a beer budget” totally applies to my life and to lives of many of the people I know. Our real needs are the simple things – we all know this. A roof over our heads, our dear friends and families, yet we still feel like we need all the extra “stuff”.

 

So I think tomorrow I will wear a bunch of jewelry and my new shiny black pants to work. I think I’ll also wear a pair of boots.

fuck you Fear.

I woke up today and I said "fuck you Fear"

fear of the future, fear of the present,
fear of what's happened, fear of what hasn't.
Get out of my head! Get out of my heart!
There is no role for you to play the part!

I looked into the hearts that I saw in my day.
your sickly touch affected them all in some way.
fear of their worth, fear of their stature,
fear of their parents, and fear of the here after.

fear of zombies and fear of pain,
fear of drought and fear of rain.
fear of mistakes,
fear of heartaches,
fear of failure, fear of success
fear of too little, fear of excess...

wait. stop. You almost sucked me in.
well played, Fear, but you will never win.
Taking care of yourself is hard sometimes.
When Fear takes advantage and plants land mines.

But I can bring joy, and I can bring peace,
I can help the best and feed the least.
I will be back tomorrow and every day after
because fear cannot conquer love and laughter.

I woke up today and I said,  "fuck you Fear".
(Insert battle cry here.)

The best thing about.



Any study on happiness and success will show you that gratitude is one of the, if not THE, most important things to experience and express.  In this day and age, there is no doubt that teachers are responsible for helping to create highly functioning, happy adults. As such, I have been focusing on gratitude this month.  Yesterday's activity was as follows. Students had to complete the sentence "The best thing about ____ is ____"  for 34 random things.
I enjoy activities like this, because it gives my analytical mind an opportunity to make quantifiable observations about other people. For example, the most commonly skipped question was "The best thing about my body is ___"  Saddening and reminding me that a true love of self and body takes specific attention. (note to self: spend some time talking about self-worth and how we create body images) 
There were many wonderful, encouraging answers. Such as "The best thing about right now is we are all talking about good things in life." OR "The best thing about this school is it is the beginning of a good life."  OR my personal favorites "The best thing about this classroom is it is the best in the school...the energy...a place of sanctuary...the teacher..."
BUT let's face it. We don't really want to read a bunch of excellent answers. We want to read the funny ones. 

Here is a compilation of the ones that made me chuckle...

...my neighborhood..."I run it"  hahaa. whatever.

 

...kleenex..."can really be a lifesaver"...who hasn't been there? snot about to drip down; bats in the cave...thank you kleenex!

 

...kleenex..."It's not toilet paper"...SO true...toilet paper that is too rough, or only one ply! no THANK YOU!

 

...cars..."A perfect place to perform songs to myself"...YUP! Love a car concert!

 

...my brain..."it has a giant capacity, more than most people think." ...hmmm. maybe.

 

...paper clips..."they make papers feel official."...as opposed to staples, or that complex bend/tear/bend crap which feel so...casual?

 

...dogs..."they don't care where they use the bathroom."...now I know where all those random wet spots around campus are coming from...hmmm...

 

...boys... "we stand when we pee."...sometimes I am quite jealous of this fact...ie. camping.

 

...right now..."I just made a funny joke."...one of the best feelings EVER!

 

...this classroom..."I can see all of humanities mistakes."...hopefully he meant reflected in history, not in the people who are present.

 

...girls..."they cook"...quite the charmer. way to dig deep on that one.

 

...my name..."everyone knows it"...nope. It's not Norm.

 

To the following I simply reply..."Agreed"

 

...movies..."Clint Eastwood"

 

...this town..."fiestas"

 

...birds..."They fry up real nice"

 

AND my personal favorite...

...the shopping mall...the ample supply of zombie protection supplies"

Changing of the Guard.

 

 

"...The life of a man is a circle from childhood to childhood, and so it is in everything where power moves."  Black Elk

I am faced today with feeling "my age".  You know "feeling" 35 in the way that I used to "imagine" 35.  Usually, I'm pretty sure that I am still 25.  I think the introspection is because I have a birthday coming up. While I love having a day that I can claim is all about me, birthdays now also give me a slight sense of dread.

Aging is awesome because it brings the wisdom, clarity and confidence acquired ONLY by time.  Conversely, it is also a landscape filled with new, and often depressing discoveries. Hangovers last for days, people call you "ma'am", parts of your body crack.  I have even started saying and BELIEVING things I swore I never would. "You will understand when you are older", "Punishing you hurts me more than it hurts you" and the kicker "You need to care about (recycling/ poverty/ politics/ fossil fuels/ the Middle East) because as the next generation, you will have to find solutions to these problems." Man, that line used to piss me off. Why was it MY responsibility to clean up after someone else's mess?  Actually, it still kinda pisses me off. Don't worry kiddos I hold out hope for substantial contributions from my generation.  We are still fighting the good fight. However, the possibilities for my own future are no longer endless. I will not be the President of the United States, and I won't be curing any diseases.  Mostly because I don't want to be the President, and I am too lazy to devote my life to scientific research.  This is not a pity party, this is a just a commentary on my shifting reality. 

Yesterday, two icons from my childhood died. Neil Armstrong, and the voice of The Count from Sesame Street.  It made me think a lot about the importance of heroes and beloved characters in the shaping of the youth.  We learned invaluable lessons about discovery, curiosity and bravery in a world enamored with science.  We learned to have a passion for counting, and vampires.

I realize that children will still learn about Neil Armstrong, and Sesame Street is still on the air.  However, there is admittedly a difference between being able to experience a hero as a living person, and reading about some dead guy.  There is a difference between the voice and vision of an original, and someone who replaces a character. 

It is my fervent hope that the imagination and inspiration sparked by these now departed souls will find new life to lead our next generations into greatness. We sure do need them. 

The Reunion.

"We both are so excited 'cuz we're reunited, hey-hey"

The first few days without facebook were hard; I lost all the contact pictures on my phone, I couldn't play bejeweled blitz, I couldn't ruthlessly stalk anyone, and I lost all my words with friends games. Don't worry, as important as these things sound, it quickly became OK. 

Immediately, it became obvious how much facebook permeates society.  It is a treasure trove of conversation topics, "Oh did you see _______ on facebook?"  It is sometimes a live social activity.  There was more than one occasion where I was the only one of a group not checking facebook on my phone. Though there were times I felt sorta out of the loop, I also liked that I could fly under the radar.  No one knew where I was, or what I was doing.

While I was unable to keep in touch with some people, I found that I kept in BETTER touch with others. More texts and phone calls were exchanged than would have occurred otherwise. A huge shout out to my super awesome friends who kept me in the loop.
  
The first few days back were great. Cybercomradarie is a real, tangible thing. I appreciate the support that you can get from social media, but my need for it is much decreased.  Social media can be super pushy if you aren't careful.  After a day of constant beeps, I deactivated the alerts on my phone because I disagree with facebook that I need to know the SECOND someone posts something.  

Throughout my summer, I continued to collect pictures, and record things I would have posted.  I gained a new appreciation for considering what I put out there. My thoughts appear below, unedited for importance.

-Sometimes Kraft mac and cheese is delicious.

-Smoky air sucks.

-The Price is Right fixes everything.

-Google does the coolest stuff with their homepage.. Brilliant.

-The Railrunner is flipping awesome. Riding a train facing backwards is not.

-mmmmm. Rain.

-Someone should bottle "steak on a grill". cologne?  air freshener?

-Summer Solstice spent camping under a dark blanket of stars right next to the river. Yes please.

-While concerned about wearing my "you REALLY need to do laundry" clothing line. I remembered I was going to Wal Mart.

-mmmmmm. bacon.

-It is a nap until bedtime kinda day.

-Summer: when you put in a full workday drinking.

-Johnny Depp! Where ARE you?!?

-Apparently, being born in the months of September to November increase the likelihood of living to 100! hells ya!

-mmmmmm. bloody Mary's.

-When House of Pain says "jump around". You do it.

-Channeling Jersey Shore...Agenda for today: exercise, lay out at the pool, and do some laundry.

-No good whistle ever came from a van.

-OLYMPICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Ryan Lochte is my boyfriend.