The Life Cycle of a Teacher.

May the road rise to meet you, may the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, the rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of his hand. Until we meet again.

It happens every year. And every year, you forget just how hard the end of the school year really is.  You work nonstop for the last month.  It begins with the struggle to keep the students engaged. I could end with that, and it would be sufficient enough of a challenge.  However, you still have to; finish out your curriculum, write letters of recommendation, write and grade finals, calculate and submit final grades, figure out who needs summer school, clean and close down your classroom (which basically entails moving out), finish end of the year paperwork and reports and if possible, eat a meal, or catch some exercise.

I looked around this morning at the shambles that my regular life had become in the wake of this storm. I was paralyzed by it. The laundry, the unpainted toe nails, dirty dishes, the thoughts I hadn't had time for, un-filed paperwork, un-returned phone calls and e mails. It was as if I had forgotten how to handle my life.

Please don't read this as "complaining about my summer break".  I would just like you to know that the first few weeks of summer, are literally traumatizing.

It begins with the stark contrast of the complete lack of commitments compared to the ten months you just spent multitasking your ass off. Though the lack of structure grows on you (usually around the last week of your summer break), initially it is a shocker. At least for my type A personality.
  
That isn't the hardest part. The hardest part is the emotional separation from the people you have invested yourself in emotionally for ten months. You have spent practically everyday with the same people. A huge assortment of human beings, that you, if you are good at your job, have gotten to know very well. Their likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. What they are like on a good day. What they are like on a bad day. What their life is like at home, who their friends are.  It is a little like breaking up with a hundred people. 

A hole is left in your heart for every student that passes through your door.  Some leave a hole from their quiet but constant presence. Some leave a hole of amazing inspiration and creativity. Some the hole of clever jokes, or pleasant attitudes. Every single student is irreplaceable. Even the students we are glad to see go. (yes. we have those.), leave a hole. The hole of conflict no longer anticipated, preparation no longer necessary, patience no longer needed. The six mini families that were created in my classroom. Gone, never to be repeated or reassembled.

So my summer begins. With a deep shaky breath, putting one foot in front of the other.